Who Put Murphy in Charge?

Christians are so kind. We don’t always have answers to feed the hungry and defend the oppressed but let tragedy come and we can spout off scriptures and prayers of providence, hope, trust and repentance like none other. I usually think “there’s helping and there’s hurting and right now you’re not helping”…I am a chaplain. It’s my job. I am a chaplain. It’s my identity and my call. I know the Word (or at least parts 1 and 4) I love the Lord and trust Him completely but sometimes life truly does suck. Verbosity is irrelevant in dire situations. Life can feel crappy and unrelentless. Case in point: I well know a 50 something year old couple with a beautiful son, paid off mortage and 3 cars. Lest you are quick to judge them for living the “American dream”. They serve the Lord and labor in prayer with their community as they seek to serve more and be used by God. They know the fear of the Lord. Here is what the past 2 years vomitted up. Her son decides to depart from the way in which he was raised up. Her sister dies of aggresive breast cancer. The husband looses his job of 20+ years. Shortly after this she is diagnosed with the same breast cancer that plagues the women in her family. Oh yeah, and her son who recently gave his life to God is murdered senselessly leaving behind a young grandson. I know Job. She needs silence. She needs moments of laughter. She needs the freedom to question and doubt and be angry. She deserves that much. Often times in my “pastoral moments” when I am wearing my chaplain hat I struggle with this freedom. When do you mourn with others? How far do you let them go? Especially when you know that they know the Lord. When you mourn….Heck, when you just have a bad day the mention of God’s good will is enough to truly irrate you. We just want to be validated in our frustration. Job said it best after his friends issued their remedy. He spit out the teaspoon of their elixir and exclaimed, “Have pity on me, have pity on me, O you my friends for the hand of God has touched me! Why do you like God pursue me, never satisfied with my flesh?” 19:21 & 22. It’s difficult to even type this as I am still frustrated and yes even angry with God for allowing their son to die. Oddly enough my anger stems from the love, knowledge and trust that I have in my Savior. It’s a conumdrum wrapping in an enigma served with a puzzle on the side. This is a new side of the Lord that I have to adjust to. I will say this; I was comforted at the funeral not by songs of praise that were sung (as they should be, I guess) and not seeing the throngs of people that share in this loss (which was great to see) and not even by the words of hope read from scripture (which I’m sure will minister to me in due time). Rather, calm came in the words of my pastor who simply said, “This is not right that a father a mother should have to bury an only son. It is unnatural. So if you are weak, hurt, confused and angry know that God can handle it for He is still a loving God.” Maybe that’s we should say to Job from the jump so that he doesn’t feel so insane and alone.